Moms, Mothers, Mums, Mamas, Amas...
It’s not for everyone and in humans, MOTHERING has many options. Traditional identity in society defines it as a perfect role. However, that devalues the role by giving it expectations that can’t be met. If you choose to be a mother by giving birth, adoption or mentoring, thank you! We all need a mother to talk to, hold or exemplify. From conception to the able pregnancy and then the rearing of children in the years that follow, MOTHERING is something that should be held in high regard and admiration.
The point of where women begin the journey of MOTHERHOOD is also different. Whether you start at conception, pregnancy, birth or adoption, it makes no difference on the effectiveness. There are no limitations for MOTHERHOOD and it can start at any age. Biological reasons can affect the timing, but not eliminate the desires for being a mother. The truth is that, womankind holds the absolute judgement of MOTHERHOOD. Not a man.
I love art as a hobby and play with different techniques. I hope you enjoy the picture above, which is a representation of my personal life as a mother, entitled: A Mother's Love. The technique is a vintaged art form from Mexico called, Cartonería. (Or the fancy French name, Papier Mâché.) The making requires patience and a bit of creative talent. The outer shape is of a sacred heart or a Corazón Sagrado.
During this time of purposeful isolation and quarantine, our families have had to rely on technology more than ever. During this time, I have had the opportunity to watch movies and shows that date to 20 years past. My mind has taken me back.
Two decades ago, I was a newlywed and at the height of my potential profession. I was guided into a path of ultra-conservatism and customs. I admired and desired them for the promises of being included. Since I had been raised in an imperfect family, I saw the gathering of what seemed PERFECT families at churches and wanted to live in EXCELLENCE. I sought ways on how to fulfill the empty emotional turmoil inside me by checking off practices that were deemed MORALLY upright. I hoped that leaders of the organizations would notice but rarely did they take interest. Unknown to me, certain patriarchal qualifications (such as, being of the lineage or male focused) was expected of me to join the list of those QUALIFIED. Nevertheless, I gave it my best without ever straying away from what was so obvious – to love your neighbor as yourself or to love others without expecting anything in return.
Just as my desire to seek approval of imperfect systems has changed, so has the technology we now all dependent on, been drastically transformed in the last 20 years. I’m glad to use this technology for good.
I blog to inform and educate of deliverance.
I blog to quickly get the word out so that others should not feel obligated to do the same.
I blog to encourage others that may feel lonely and lost in a system that only aspires to serve their own mold.
No institution or system has ever considered me to teach or write for them because I don’t, “qualify.” This is why I blog. I don’t have expectations of receiving money or titles for my writings. I simply offer plain and honest details of my life. This is why I blog.
So maybe I’ll write a book or succeed at rightly being included in an organization that truthfully focuses on serving people, someday. But, HOPEFULLY, it won’t be 20 years from now.
This day is so special to me. I have many to thank, but in particular some that have pushed me to be better.
1. My dad for inspiring me to make education a priority. Even in his late 70's, he continues to learn and be an example to his grandchildren.
2. My mom for helping me see through people to find a true intent. That candid discernment continues to follow her where ever she goes.
3. My uncle Jose for telling me that I was a "virtuous woman" when I was barely an 18 year old. When I have been at my lowest moments, I have felt valued and powerful by the words he spoke to me when I was young.
4. My beautiful Ria, for asking me during her first grade project, "Mom, what DO you do?" That meant I had to work harder at showing her what an important role I was playing. Although, the society we live in does not value the work of a mother, I perhaps had joined the thought that moms where not important. From that moment, I swore I would highlight women that work so hard at home as well as in their profession.
5. All of my aunts, sisters and friends that love me and continue to see potential in me.
To you all, thank you so much because there are days that I really need to remind myself of how blessed I am. WOMEN, keep educating yourself, be real, find positive words about yourself and be ACTIVE in the change that is taking place in OUR world.
No other person has shown what LOVE for his family is, like my grandfather. He was not perfect but he worked hard as an act of LOVE. What’s most notable is how he was able to later continue making some important health choices in life. For years he had managed being without his family, due to him being in another country for agriculture work, by drinking beer and smoking. They became bad habits and one day he changed it all.
In the 1950’s through the following two decades, my grandfather would migrate back and forth from across borders as he had been recruited to work in the agriculture business. He would leave his family behind to earn promised money in another country with intentions of returning once a year to see his family, then return to a different ranch or location the following season. He did this migration for years and it was all LEGAL through the Bracero Program. Then one season of migration, he came across a generous owner. This ranch owner VALUED my grandfather’s hard work and wanted him to remain working for him. Therefore, he offered to take his helicopter to Mexico and bring back my grandfather’s family with him. Roots were left behind to a new beginning thanks to the sponsorship of a generous White man. It was a win-win situation and it was most importantly, an act of LOVE for all involved.
Later in the 1970’s after my grandmother and her children had migrated to stay with my grandfather, he decided to change some bad habits. He quit drinking excessive alcohol and smoking nicotine cigarettes. Perhaps the void he felt was no longer an excuse to continue with those habits. He had his family and LOVE with him and that’s what mattered most.
My grandfather continued to LOVE his 12 children and 60+ grandchildren unconditionally. Sometimes there were discussions about political affiliations and he never got hot and angry about it. He knew where he stood and what his values were. Although he was illiterate he could count extremely well and keep up with his bank account. But his divine sense was being able to discern when there were “fakes” among him. His talent was so candid. Martin lived to almost 93 and was buried in his country of over 50 years, the United States of America. Although his early Mexican ancestors of Europe and Native American had left connections in his new country, generations before.
I hope one day someone looks at my works of LOVE instead of those moments that were not so humbling. My grandfather was not flawless, but his kind way of LOVE overcame his inadequacies at bay.
Wow, it has been 10 years of continual change for myself. I have never paused to welcome a decade like I am this coming era. It may be due to the fact that I have officially, joined that next age category. Also in this decade, I have moved to 5 cities across the world, raised twin boys plus a girl that was born just before the decade started, gained/lost 60 lbs. due to those changes and continued to explore venues for emotional growth to avoid feeling lonely.
You may have had other changes in this decade than I in your life, such as, embraced a different identity, lost a loved one or accepted a new job opportunity. However change came to your life in this past decade and you have overcome, it is clear that we all share something special. We are ALL humans and experience change unfailingly. Change looks and is handled differently, but it occurs in everyone.
What I have gained from the past decade of change…
This coming decade, I continue to be human and learn about being a contributor of earth. If you are in need of a tribe that embodies peace and love for all cultures, let me know and we can gather to have dialogues that matter. Let's be Peacemakers.
When I was young, I was a member of a church that greeted each other in Spanish with, “Peace of Christ.” Even if the responder had issues with the other, he/she still repeated it when they greeted each other. Maybe it became such a common practice, that it did not mean much.
Two weekends ago I was able to attend a peace conference in Tijuana, MX. The American organization that sponsored it precisely educated us on the importance and need for Solidarity. You may apply it at home with loved ones, outside in your work environment or even in your communications outside of your personal life. Where can we all make this world better to live in? Solidarity is unity and agreement. Flexibility is possible and healthy for us all. The next time you think about disagreeing with someone, think about how you can harmonize instead. Speaking of, I have come to terms with me getting older.
Mario celebrated my birthday in September with a “big” party. To my surprise, there were mariachis, a taco truck and many dear friends. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before and loved every moment of it. Thank you again, Mario for making me feel special. (All I had asked for was mariachis!)
It has been a well restful summer and I am ear to get back to writing...I can’t help but look back at my decisions and life.
This past Christmas, Mario bought me a well sought pair of earrings. The earrings are not of value to me just because of their price, but most importantly, for what they represent.
On the picture above you see two very similar earrings. Except, one was bought 23 years ago to marry my true and only love. As a pair, they were not worth much, but I wanted to wear something that made me complete on my wedding day. I remember hesitating because I had not wore earrings for more than 8 years previously, even though I had my ears pierced since a baby. It was out of norm for me at that time of my wedding, but now I’m so glad I took my maid of honors’ advice (also my cousin) and wore them. These earrings were not made of gold and tarnished throughout the years, even though I never again wore them. With all our moves from city to city, I would come across them in our boxes and I would remind myself that one day I possibly could affording the real pair of earrings.
Last fall, I came across the catalog for one of the most well recognized jewelry stores in the USA. In it I saw the true pair of pearl earrings. I quickly ran to Mario with excitement and declared that there was nothing more he could purchase for me, but these earrings.
The earrings represent victory and redemption. Many times I feel unworthy, unwanted and lonely, but these earrings remind me that I am worth more than what some have said about my culture and identity. While certain organizations value themselves in belittling women or certain backgrounds, I chose to proof them wrong. I choose to be the real person I have been intended to be just as the pearl on the earrings. It takes time and persistence and I will not be passive any longer. I will love others and welcome all.
Will you join me?
Our family dog is very happy and content until, she smells or sees food. She has a history. Nine years ago, she was rescued from the streets. The organization that helped her get a home said she was hungry and in need of treatment for heart worms. She was a puppy and was surviving off of what ever she could find on the streets. Nowadays, she is found taking walks with us in our neighborhood or naps. However, every once in a while, she goes psychotic and reverts to her old self.
Paws, as we purposefully named her for her white “paws,” can trace food in any room of our home and take action to consume it, instantly. If it’s on the counter she jumps to reach it and carefully holds the plate with her nozzle to avoid being too noisy and being found out. It makes no difference how well she is fed daily, she is always hungry. I think she forgets how blessed she is when it comes to food. She does not need to continue having a “homeless” mentality, but yet, she behaves like one at the smell of food.
Do you have certain triggers that lead you to forget how blessed you are as well? I do.
I was the 4th child of 5. My brother, the entertainer and only boy, had the title of being the life of the party. My sister, Norma was the responsible one that I strived to be like for the unconditional approval by my parents towards her. My sister Liliana, was the caretaker, and continues to be kind and generous. Then there was me. I was the youngest…therefore, spoiled and annoying. Thankfully, my younger sister, Violet, was born 10 years later! She was the cutest and is the most thoughtful that will go to all lengths to help others.
In the scheme of things, I definitely became the black sheep of the family, if I was not already. I struggle with occasional loneliness and find it difficult to fit in. Being an immigrant and striving to assimilate did not help, either. However, I find it so easy to make long time friendships and have always been able to find friends where ever we move to. I have made some amazing decisions in life that have worked out, but I have also made some very bad decisions about me, myself and I. Those choices resonate in me louder than the blessings around me, sometimes. I have to constantly remind myself that my life is good.
This is the current situation in my head while my daughter and her friends are at the pool enjoying the long awaited sun.
I want to make a change and remember the blessings around me to be a better example to my children. Paws can’t turn off the smell of food that triggers her desire because she has no conscience. I do have a conscience and plan to shut off the bad self talk so I can continue to enjoy the life around me.
Thanks for reading about me and my season of life. I would love to hear your comments.
Hoy reconozco a todas las mujeres que se han esforzado en asegurar que sus hijos sean una de sus prioridades como mamas. Muchas de ellas trabajan afuera de la casa, otras se dedican a criar los chicos en casa, y también hay otras que combinan las responsabilidades en casa y trabajo profesional. No hay una solución perfecta pero, si se necesita de toda capacidad para seguir adelante.
En Inglaterra, durante los anos de 1600, era común dar honor a las madres cuatro semanas después de la pascua. Por primera vez se celebro en los estados unidos en 1908 y en nuestros tiempos, muchos países de la tierra celebran este día de diferentes maneras. Una cosa si es segura, todos lo hacen siempre con orgullo y amor a las madres. La razón será porque todo hombre y mujer es cargado/a dentro de una mama.
A todas mi amigas, mis queridas hermanas, primas y tias, y sobretodo a mi guapa mama, que tengan un día muy especial. Que sigan siendo fuertes y continúen en hacer este mundo un lugar mejor para vivir.
Today I celebrate all women from all walks of life that have made it a priority to look out for their children in every possible way. Many of them work outside of the home, others have chosen to stay at home and then others, carry the responsibility of working professionally and taking care of all responsibilities at home. Not one way is better than the other and all are necessary to continue to thrive.
Every country on earth celebrates this joyous occasion differently, but all do it with pride and love. All human beings are dependent on the beautiful task of a mother carrying her child to birth.
To all my friends, my beautiful sisters, cousins and aunts, but especially my gorgeous mom, please have a wonderful day. Continue to be strong and make this world a better place to live.